


This cities gonna break my heart

by Xx_biggest_Twenny_stan_2021_xX (Dreolin)



Category: yearstuck
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Dissociation, Extended Metaphors, Help, Kinda, Make it STOP, Oh god, Sad, This is so angsty, Whump, dont read if u dont want to see 2020s dark side, hes so sad, im crying, like his DARK side, oh gads, omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:28:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28916868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreolin/pseuds/Xx_biggest_Twenny_stan_2021_xX
Summary: 2020 is alone, and doesn't have to put up a front anymore.--2020 ANGST!FIC.





	This cities gonna break my heart

(A/N: u guyz are NOT ready for this. 2020 is a poor broken boy TvT be prepared to have ur feels PLAYED WITH :,( )

2020 closed his bedroom door. The LEDs flickered in the dark, and he turned them up a little, enough to see the furniture. His room was tidied perfectly, bed made, everything in order, as usual. His minimalist Joji and ATLA posters reflected some of the light, and the Titan figurine, gifted to him by his boyfriend, stood polished and dusted on the bookshelf. He always made sure to have everything look perfect, both himself and his things. If anything was scuffed, it was deliberately scuffed for the aesthetic. If his makeup was smudged, it was smudged in just the right way.   
And 2020, too, tried to be perfect. He was woke and tried to manage his anger, unless someone needed to be taught a lesson. He never showed if something hurt him. He didn't want anyone to see him that way.  
(A/N: oh noess my poor baby twenny TvT)

Whatever.

He walked over to his bed and sat down. His trip to the kitchen for snacks had ended empty handed. He was so tired of quarantine...  
His phone was bright in the dim room. He scrolled through tiktok, but there was nothing interesting. Nobody had sent him any messages either. He checked twitter. One retweet from some old guy on a boat. Block.  
Against his better judgement, he did his daily news check.   
Just as depressing as usual. Trump was rumoured to have a diet coke button? Okay, that one made him chuckle. But the rest was mostly depressing as usual. Some protests, the Uyghur Muslims had more evidence of their mistreatment (But 2020 had a boycott Xinjiang pfp last week so it was okay), another man on death row.. it was all so overwhelming. He slid down to sit on the floor against his bed. The new year wasn't much better than the old huh.  
Oh.  
The new year.

(A/N: Щ(º̩̩́Дº̩̩̀щ) OH)

Right, it was 2021 now. He felt a kind of pain sweep over his chest. He wasn't the year anymore.  
He kept scrolling. '2021 celebrations from across the globe'. He felt cold inside, like an icy hand was holding his insides. It felt so weird. He had never thought about what it would be like once 2020 ended, maybe nobody really had. It had been such a long year, felt like it would never end.  
He went to tiktok.  
'omg 2021 is already so wild!'  
suddenly the screen was blurry. Tears filled 2020s green orbs, without even realizing. He didn't know how to feel. Nobody was there to explain to him what happens to a year after the new year. Where should he go? WHat defined him? He hugged his knees and cried. He was glad nobody could see how lost he felt. He wasn't the star anymore and he was so upset, and so guilt ridden that he was crying over this. It didn't feel fair, he wasn't ready for 2021! What if 2021 was worse than him! What if everyone made more 2021 jokes and laughed at how insignificant 2020 was in comparison? Being the year, being the topic on everyones mind, was all he knew!  
He sobbed quietly, small in the big dark room. 

(A?N OH NO. NO. WHY DID THIS HAVE TO B WRITEN)  
(A/N: ... u wrote it u idiot monster -_-)  
(A/N: OH GOD! （ ＴДＴ）)

God he felt so stupid.  
That little voice in his head started to tell him how attention seeking this was. How guilty he needed to feel, and he became anxious that people would find out he was so childish. He was riddled with thoughts of self worth, guilt, anxiety, and fear. fear about what this meant, anxiety about his self worth, guilt about his emotions and caring so much. It was like he was watcing himself, a big shadow version of all of his bad thoughts. Big, but helpless, weak, small. He watched it, looming over him from the shadows on the walls. He just wanted to be free from it, this wasn't who he wanted to be. It was the other side of him, depressed and lonely. He cried until he couldn't anymore. What was it 2012 called this? Feels? No. This was worse.  
'how childish' he thought to that figure. 

(A/N NUUUU 2020!!)

If he could only separate himself he would be okay! But they were both him. As he dissociated, he heard someone pulling into the driveway. He tried to slow his breathing down. He closed his eyes, and as if cutting that side of himself off, he shut his emotions out. He had to compose himself. He got up and put his mask off. As he left the room, he felt as though he was leaving his weaker self alone in the dark. he felt a twinge of self doubt, and shut that out as much as he could. He had to do what he always did.  
and he closed the door.

(A/N OH MY GOD gahhhhhhh im seriously crying BUCKETS. why did i make this TvT my poor bean!!! 2020!! he's suffering su hard! TvT :,( yyyy. im so sorry )


End file.
